For the fourth time, Nathan and I found ourselves heading off to Whalley Abbey for the annual deanery chapter overnight away. We went in 2020 (when lockdown began and they locked the doors behind us as we left), 2023 (my first since returning to the Deanery) and 2024 (when I was struggling to eat the usually delicious food due to being in the early days of my pregnancy with Aidan!)

This time was a bit different… we took Sophia and Aidan with us! I’d been reluctant to commit to going before Aidan arrived – who knew how I’d feel, who knew what this baby would be like, who knew if Nathan would just need a night away at that point?

But as Aidan is super calm and happy to fit in with what we’re doing, we decided we’d take him. And if we were taking him, it would be great to take Soph! So, off we went to Whalley as a team of 4.

Obviously, and as previously discussed, we were not travelling as light as in other years! We took… a full suitcase, a trunki of toys, a bag of snacks, puree pouches and presents for clergy who were about to leave the deanery, the changing bag, the pram top (to act as Aidan’s bed), my knitting bag, the pram chassis so we could go for a walk, the baby carrier and three coats.

We got there about 45 minutes early so we could get settled and set up a play corner in the main room. We checked in and got ourselves organised. I set Sophia up with her play mat and various toys in front of a lovely view of the gatehouse, or castle, as she called it. You can see her enjoying herself in the photo at the top.

We had lunch where the lovely staff provided small portions for Sophia and a highchair for Aidan. He can manage to sit up for a couple of minutes but not very long, so he spent the rest of the time sat on various people’s knees, watching the others eat and chat as he loves to do!

There were three main input sessions, and me and the kids were around for two of them. The second was at 7pm, prime bed time, so I ducked out of that one to settle the kids. During the other two, they were both great. Sophia played with her toys, or sat next to me and drew in one of her writing books. Aidan was occupied with a rattle, or a feed, or a gentle sway looking out of a window.

During ‘free time’ we took a walk into town and found a magazine and a play park for Sophia. She had tonnes of fresh air, which in theory meant she should have gone to sleep quickly. However, as she was at the opposite end of the table to me at dinner time, I didn’t know she was consuming a couple of scoops of very pink ice cream at 6.30pm until it was too late. What followed was an interesting 3 hours, during which I had to threaten to take her home. But eventually, Nathan took over and I was able to escape to the lounge to enjoy a glass of rosé and chat with some colleagues.

On the second day, we shared communion in the chapel. Sophia liked this space and bought her dolly to sit next to her. In the end, she and Annabell sat on the front row, and Nathan and I sat behind with Aidan. It struck me that she wouldn’t have done that six months ago. Aidan being here means that she can’t be quite as close to us all the time as she would have been before. I’m pleased if this has led to more independence and confidence. She also chose to stay with Anne for a few minutes while we went and set up the pram for our walk. Again, I was surprised, but so pleased that she feels safe and confident in this group of people.

The input for the retreat came from my former training incumbent, Mark. Although I missed a session, I was grateful for the space to ponder some bigger questions and ideas that I usually do at the moment. Mark was wise, thoughtful and completely unphased by baby babble and toddler whispers, as I knew he would be.

I know I’ve shared it before, but the wall hanging in the chapel really sums up what it’s like to spend time at Whalley. There’s something about the place that allows everyday concerns to melt away, just for a little while. Connection with God, which can be tricky to find in and amongst daily noises, becomes wider and stronger. It’s a brilliant place.

So brilliant, in fact, that Aidan and I are going back next week because the baby carrier was left in the wardrobe – doh!