I never wanted to be a vicar. They’re old and boring. Why would I want to do that? And then, God got me, in the way that God does! And I explored this path, and here I am.

Then, I was just as adamant that I wouldn’t marry another vicar. Because, firstly, what a logistical nightmare. And secondly, I really never wanted to be a vicar’s wife! They’re old, borning and twee! Why would I want to do that?

And yet again, God got me – well, Nathan got me – and here I am.

I’ve been married to Nathan for nearly eight years and for most of that time, I’ve been able to ignore the fact that I’m a vicar’s wife, because I’ve been off doing my own training or running my own church.

But I’ve found that some days, or sometimes, for some seasons, I am much more active in that role, than others.

At the moment, I find myself in one such season.

When I was on my maternity leave with Sophia, I spent much more time at Nathan’s church than I normal. I had ideas and suggestions. It didn’t take Nathan long to say ‘when are you going back to work?!’ I was the critical friend the Vicar of St Giles did not need.

This time, I’m three years older and three years wiser. I hope I’m being a bit more helpful because, really, the best thing I can do for St Giles is to support and serve their vicar. I don’t often get time to do that. So in this season, I think I can be somebody who builds a home where the Vicar can thrive, rather than somebody who comes up with ideas and writes To Do lists. Don’t get me wrong, I love a To Do list. I just don’t think they are needed in this area of my life at the moment.

For me, this season is more about comments like: well done… that was great!… tell me about that… let me make you a cup of tea… have you had lunch yet?… here’s a sandwich… would a twenty minute trip to the park help to clear your head?… what’s the update on the chairs today?… how can I best help you?

I hardly have time or headspace for this, usually because my head and time are full of my own stuff. And what St Giles don’t need is more interference.

All that being said, I did find a poster blu-tacked to a wall, the dates on which had been and gone. So I pulled it off the wall. And about a handprint sized piece of plaster came with it – whoops! I repurposed the blu-tack to stick the plaster back on the wall.

Anyway, this blog has been in my drafts for a few months now. It’s a good day to post it because I’ve been a Vicar’s wife for 5 years to the day! Happy anniversary to Nathan and St Giles.

I’ll just finish my saying that being a clergy spouse is not an easy or comfortable thing for me. It’s not my natural habitat, especially when one part of me is starting to itch to get back to my own parish. I’m grateful to be here in this space and I’m learning a lot.

But I like being a Vicar, and Vicars wife-ing is not about being in the driving seat. It’s smoothing rough edges. It’s listening. It’s running home for the salt and pepper for Lent Lunch. It’s taking photos from the back of church. It’s keeping an eye on the security cameras when you’re on holiday so the Vicar can switch off. It’s holding the ladder while the Vicar puts up a banner. It’s riding shot gun and bringing the snacks.