Buckle up, it’s been a week.

Places we’ve been: a play cafe called Creativity Corner, Toddlers, a trustee meeting, Tappy Toes, Group, the shops, Croxteth Hall Farm, St Giles for Rev Jane’s first communion, the beach for lunch, and Lullababy.

Food: Aidan had a good go on a piece of steak and he also thoroughly enjoyed his first try of corn on the cob!

What Sophia said: Saturday night in the bath…

S: where are we going to church tomorrow?

Me: Daddy’s church. It’s Reverend Jane’s first communion service.

S: Not Reverend Jane, Reverend Sue.

Me: No, Reverend Jane hasn’t done the bread and wine bit before, so she’s doing it tomorrow.

S: No, Revered Sue is Reverend, Jane is Jane.

Me: Oh I see! They’re both Reverend. Reverend Sue, Reverend Jane, Reverend Nathan.

S: Reverend Nathan?!

Me: yes, didn’t you know that? Me too, Reverend Poppy!

S: (laughing) nooooo!

Me: And Grandad Martin, he’s Reverend Martin. And Aunty Ash is Reverend Ash, and Uncle Josh is Reverend Josh.

S: (even more laughter) no, it’s Reverend Sue!

Me: you know the white collars? Anybody who has a white collar is a Reverend, that’s what it means!

S: Reverend Bishop Ruth?

Me: I’m going to say yes.

S: (thinking) Reverend Nanny?

Me: Does Nanny wear a white collar?

S: (giggle) no.

Me: OK, so she’s not a Reverend.

S: (laughing to herself as she splashes in the water) Reverend Nathan…

Milestones: Last night I did bedtime on my own. Sophia was asleep by 8, on her own, in her room. Aidan was asleep in his cot just over ten minutes later, without me touching him or singing to him. Aidan woke twice in the night, Sophia woke once.

This is massive.

And this is massive because we’ve been gentle sleep training for ten nights now. It’s paying off.

But blimey, it’s been tough.

For me, it’s been the third hardest season of parenting so far. The hardest was the first fortnight of Sophia’s life, the second hardest was when I had my mental health crisis last summer when heavily pregnant with Aidan, and then… this week.

Generally, I find that children respond quickly to things if you are consistent and reasonable. So, if you set a fair boundary and hold it, they’ll adjust within a few days. Now that we are ten days in, I can see that is true here as well. Both children are going down faster and more independently, and they are happy(ish) in their own spaces. But for the first few days, trying to hold the boundary was really hard.

I hadn’t realised how much the co-sleeping and side feeding was masking until last week. I knew both kids would end up in our bed some time around midnight, but I assumed they slept soundly from then on. Not so. Or at least not so when they suddenly found themselves waking up in their own rooms without us.

So, under the new regime, when they’ve been waking, rather than conveniently sliding them in with us, we’ve been getting up to go and settle them. A lot. We are very tired.

At one point, and I know it’s crazy that I can’t remember the context, but the words spilled out of my mouth as the tears spilled out of my eyes ‘I just don’t want their beautiful souls to be spoiled by my darkness’.

‘Right, go to bed. I’m stopping what I’m doing to take over what you’re doing, and you’re going to sleep’ announced Nathan, arm around me, gently guiding me to our room.

I asked Nathan just now what the context was when I said that. He can’t remember either. But it seemed very real at the time. That’s how tired we’ve been.

This last week or so has felt like a weird time slip back to newborn Sophia days. Over time, the real horror of the sleep deprived days fades in your memory. But I’ve been back there this week, and it’s no joke.

But, already it’s worth it. We have a daily schedule. Our sleep coach is only a message away if things change or a nap slips, and she helps us work out what to do with the rest of the day to optimise the sleep at night. She’s encouraging and thoughtful. She doesn’t judge or push too hard.

And she’s clearly a genius because for the past two or three nights, Nathan and I have sat down on the sofa and had a chat. We’ve actually had the time and headspace to sit and have a conversation! Three nights in a row!

When I was filling in the paperwork for all this sleep training, I was asked what’s the dream? Well, the dream would be both kids to settle themselves and stay in their own rooms 7-7. But it’ll never happen in a million years, I thought!

We’re still a way away from that. But, we’ve come so far already, and it makes me think that perhaps that dream isn’t a million years away, but maybe a few weeks. Watch this space.

More next time x