Happy Tuesday all!

Places we’ve been. A church meeting, Sweaty Mamas, Toddlers, Tappy Toes, Wales to see our friends in their new home, St Giles, and Lullababy Glasto-baby special!

Milestones. Aidan cut his third tooth today!

We’ve had Sophia’s last day of nursery, last toddlers and last Tappy Toes. Today, we had the last Lullababy special, followed by the last lunch out with all our friends. There is just the graduation to go tomorrow and then all these ‘lasts’ are over.

It’s all very beautiful and emotional. So many over a short space of time left me drained. I’m reminded that endings are only hard when something has been good, and so much of this season has been good.

Still, the personalised poem from Sophia’s dance teacher, her sitting in the garden looking at the trees to have a little think after her last day of nursery, and singing ‘The time has come to say goodbye, so put your hands up in the sky…’ at Lullababy all jerked the tears from my eyes!

Sleep. Both children are going down really well. I did a solo bedtime last night and they were both down by 7.45. Nathan had gone out, and Polly and Martin had cleaned the kitchen after Nathan’s birthday takeaway, so I just didn’t know what to do with myself!

But Aidan is still waking up in the night. He’s teething and going through a leap, so that’s understandable. But I’m trying to get him to settle with things that aren’t just a feed. One of my go-to tactics is to sing The Lord’s Prayer like we did at my home church when I was growing up. I’m starting to wonder if I’ve now said the Lord’s Prayer more over the past couple of months than the rest of my life combined!

Food. Aidan’s favourites this week have been Daddy’s birthday cake, plums from Grandpa’s garden, and a fig straight from our increasingly heavy looking tree.

What Sophia said. It was Nathan’s birthday yesterday, and on Sunday, he said that Sophia and I could pick his cake, so naturally, he ended up with a pink Bluey cake. Sophia was very excited about it. We also sat and wrote his birthday cards together, and she told me to draw in mine, just like she did in hers. She gave me pointers and made sure I didn’t miss anything out!

When she woke up yesterday morning, the first words out of her mouth were something like ‘where’s Daddy? It’s his birthday! I’ve got party food!’. She had collected lots of her wooden food together in a picnic basket and started sharing it between us.

We got part way through the afternoon, and there clearly wasn’t enough of a party vibe for Sophia. So she insisted we blow up some balloons, which I found in a cupboard. She carried them downstairs one by one, and every time said ‘look, Daddy, balloons!’

She fiercely wanted to celebrate her Daddy yesterday, and who can blame her?

Other observations

It’s a year or there abouts since my mental health took a dramatic downwards turn in my pregnancy. I wrote about it at the time. People keep asking me if I’m looking forward to work, if I’m ready. Of course I’m looking forward to it. I love my job. I love my church. That’s in no doubt. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit scared. I’m scared that the pressure of all that I currently hold, alongside the beautiful, heavy mess that is ministry, will make me poorly again.

I share this because firstly, I like to be as honest as I can be here. But I also share it because I think two things can be true at once. Yes, I’m looking forward to going back. And yes, I’m scared I’ll pick up too much too soon and end up in a heap. I hope that, by naming both these things, I can face what’s coming with joy and a determination to show myself compassion.

More next time x