It’s weird, this one. I always blog a Greenbelt blog. But this year we’re not there.

Long-term Greenbelters talk about occasional ‘fallow years’ and I wonder if that’s what this is for us.

Not that we intentionally didn’t go to Greenbelt. We dithered for months. Even in the weeks and days running up to it, we weren’t sure.

The kids, the sleep, the weather, the pressure, the timing, the people, the expense, the bad signal, the potential joy, the potential lack of joy. To go or not to? Well, we didn’t.

And actually, for me, the run up was the worst bit. Once we definitely weren’t going, I left the Unofficial Greenbelt Facebook group so I didn’t have to see all the posts from everybody else, and then I felt better. I’ll go back one day if I want to.

It’s been good, actually, to see that the world continues outside of Greenbelt on August Bank Holiday weekend. Good things do happen elsewhere.

Initially, in 2008, Greenbelt blew my mind and it did for a couple of years after that. Then it became a safe place, then a home away from home. Then it was something I had in common with that handsome ordinand I met at my interview in Durham. Then it was where we had my hen & stag do, and over the years, I introduced various people to it, most notably, my daughter.

But it doesn’t blow my mind so much now. It’s not as safe anymore (just personally, not generally). I have questions that I know aren’t welcome. Since becoming a church leader myself, I need to be fed and I don’t get that at Greenbelt like I used to. I love the Communion Service, but I find myself craving more Jesus the rest of the time, too.

So, with all that in mind, I’m glad I spent the weekend at home. I feel really peaceful being here, and there was a risk of worry and friction if we had gone to Greenbelt.

I hope that next year we will feel we can return. I hope that by skipping this year, we will be ready next year. I hope that we will look back and say ‘ah, yes, the fallow year. When Aidan was tiny and Soph was about to start school. When we found a Christian family fun day in Kirkby, when we went to the indoor fair and Princess event at the market. When we joined the march for Gaza in the city centre. When we had a rest. When we reset. The fallow year’.