Last week I celebrated six years of being a Vicar! Two churches, two babies, one pandemic, a curate and a couple of placement students – it’s been full on!

There’s a Facebook group I belong to where Vicars who have been in the role for less than five years exchange ideas and ask questions. I’ve hung around in the group for a bit longer because I’ve had 18 months off all told in that time, but now I think it’s time to go. When other vicars exit the group, some leave a post with what they’ve learned over those five years. Here are some of the things I have learned since becoming a vicar:

Our laity are a huge blessing. I know it’s not always easy. But they are our volunteers and they are such a gift to us.

If you employ anybody or would like to employ anybody, get some HR training (or make sure you’ve got an expert in employment law on your PCC!).

Be deliberate in your asking. Need a new warden? Pray, select, invite over, tidy the house, hoover under the sofa cushions and ask the question. Ask face to face, don’t ask in the notices. Save your printer ink.

Trust those pastoral nudges.

Some people have an unfortunate way of holding their face. You may look up from the pulpit and see what you think is a lack of support from certain individuals. It may be that they do think you’re talking rubbish, or that might just be the way their face is!

You’ll get it wrong. Make sure you say sorry and mean it.

You can’t please everybody. You can’t expect everybody to be happy with you 100% of the time. Your church is not the best fit for absolutely everybody and you cannot be the best vicar for absolutely everybody. Perfectionists, you need to let it go. And you need to be able to let people go with a smile and a prayer if that’s what is best for them.

Find the thing that feeds you and do it every day, at least a bit. Pastoral visits or phone calls, sermon writing, liturgy prepping, prayer walking. It’ll keep you going in the hard seasons.

You must not be above doing anything, but you must not do everything.

People don’t always think before they speak (or type!) and your feelings will get hurt sometimes. Try and develop an outer coating of Teflon. Let it slide off you!

Conflict is inevitable.

And finally, asking God to help you love people, a place, a community is a very powerful thing. Pray, pray, and pray again.