22nd November 2020
So it’s official, and it’s been official for a whole week!
In the last 7 days I’ve taken three tests, all of which came back positive, and they had increasingly darkening lines. My initial thoughts are that no matter how much you want it, hope for it, pray for it, it’s still a bit of a shock when it happens!
I mean, we’ve had a crazy year already. Nathan got a job. I got a job. Lockdown came. We moved house. We both became vicars. We got our churches back open. I got Covid. Nathan got Covid. I felt better. Nathan felt better. For a few days, we were still in isolation…
Anyway, last Sunday night, it was the first night of our annual leave. We were drinking wine, as we like to do. Towards the end of the evening, I said ‘you know, I probably shouldn’t have drunk this. I’m due any day.’ Nathan said ‘you could always do a test’.
The idea stuck in my mind so I snuck upstairs and did a test. 1 minute in: no second line. ‘Oh well’ I thought as I washed my hands ‘might as well have another glass of wine’. As I was drying my hands, something caught my eye. I looked at the test again. There it was. A very feint second line.
I was so shocked that I put it in my bedside draw and carried on as if nothing had happened. I got myself an ice water and we went to bed. Throughout the night, I kept waking up and looking at the test, just to check if I had imagined it. It wasn’t until the morning that I told Nathan.
I showed him the test. He asked what it meant. ‘Second line means positive’. ‘Okay’ Nathan said, in the same way he does when a funeral director rings up to say there was a funeral they want him to do.
I wasn’t particularly impressed at this reaction, but I also knew that Nathan was being cautious and neither of us wanted to get our hopes up. However, 5 days and two more tests later, there could be no doubt about it.
So, all in all, we’ve had quite a strange few days off! Some moments, I have been grateful for the space to chat and think things through at a slower pace than we are used to. In other moments I have been desperate to get back to work to stop myself obsessing.
It probably won’t surprise you to know that within 24 hours of seeing that second faint line, I had completed a spreadsheet of things we would need to buy. I took ‘new-born baby must have’ lists from different websites and compiled my own list.
I researched places that sell vests, moses baskets, car seats, maternity bras, Sudocrem and reusable nappies. The spreadsheet tells me where all these things can be found, how many we will need and how much they are likely to cost. The current running total is £1600. The total will automatically update as other items are added.
I’ve not been able to sleep for thinking about names, Godparents, how to tell people and whether or not we could make some kind of phased maternity/paternity leave work which, even if possible, would require, yep, you guessed it, more spread sheets.
All this, and I am currently probably 2 and a half or 3 and a half weeks pregnant.
Am I getting ahead of myself?
In most ways: absolutely.
But in other ways, no. My body is already different. I am tired, bloated, hungry and itchy. I cried at three different points during a film called ‘Ugly Dolls’. I almost sobbed when my Granny showed me the hat she was knitting for my cousin’s little boy. Who knew pompoms could make me so emotional?!
I am also occasionally very grumpy.
Poor Nathan has had the worst of it, as has one unfortunate person from St Giles. I think Nathan can’t wait to start telling people so that he can explain why his wife is behaving so erratically!
Having said that, I don’t think that ‘don’t let anyone in the house during lockdown’ and ‘don’t be persuaded to go to church and look at Christmas hampers when we are supposed to be on holiday’ were unreasonable requests. Next time I will try not to stomp over to church in my pjs and big boots and insist that Nathan come home.
Anyway, we know we have a long way to go and nothing is certain. For this reason, we haven’t told anybody apart from the Doctor and it will be a secret for a few weeks yet. In a way, being away from family and friends is helping. We get this gorgeous grape juice from Asda and when you put it in a wine glass it could be a glass of red. Nathan found some alcohol free gin which tastes quite like gin and I can put it in a gin balloon with ice and look like I’m having a drink when I’m on zoom calls.
I’ve stopped my medication and cut down on caffeine over the last few days. This, combined with the pregnancy hormones leave me feeling dizzy with a fuzzy head and weird, pounding ears. On the family chat on Friday night, my Mum thought I was drunk! I did feel somewhat hungover and very spaced out, but I definitely wasn’t drunk! I was happy to let her think it though. I don’t want to get anybody’s hopes up.
Tomorrow’s jobs are to ring the midwife (yikes!) and the GP to talk about switching my meds to baby-friendly ones as soon as we can. I am pleased to be back to work, too. I need to distract myself to keep from spiraling and obsessing, which isn’t good for anybody.
I’m signing off now. Can’t wait to publish this in a few months time!
Poppy, a hopeful Mum-to-be
7 thoughts on “22.11.20: Pregnancy blog 1”
Eeekk can’t wait to share the journey of being a mummy with you.. you have the right to be obsessing a long awaited bundle of joy, I can remember having a similar situation with Jensen telling Matt that I was pregnant, I went off to the loo tactically hiding the test in my hand whilst Matt was distracted. I then did the test I saw one line and put it on the side, my heart sunken as I couldn’t see another line 3 mins later. I stormed downstairs and into the snack cupboard pull the Jaffa cakes out and then realised I had left the test on the side upstairs… I have never ran upstairs so quick, I can remember glancing at the test and thinking I can’t be seeing right. By this point matts wondering why I am mumbling to myself, I crumbled down into a beep and burst out and said I’m pregnant Matt again. I have never cried so much into a bath Matt before..
Your going to be awesome parents xx
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Aww Amy that’s a lovely story!! One you’ll remember forever! I always imagined how I’d feel seeing a positive pregnancy test for the first time! Not quite what I imagined, but amazing nonetheless!
Thank you so much, and thanks for all your help ❤
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Your more than welcome I just hope I can teach Jensen the desk slid, I feel I have to pass my trait on now.. he has some big boots to fill with me being his mum. Always be here popz day or night xx
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Bless you. Your blog will be relatable to so many new mummy’s oir there. It is a scary, excited time for you both. You will get days when you are on top of the world and days where you need comfort as you are feeling rough, emotionally,physically and mentally. You may have sickness or nausea, you will be worried about everything. It is okay to feel low, distant, worried just as much it is be joyful, loving the special moments of movement. (That is remarkable (end of 2nd trimester and 3rd trimester).
We couldn’t get pregnant and on the way of getting IVF, little did we know through tests we got caught in the process. I didn’t know. I was 8 weeks gone..I was at work and my managers dinner felt off it was a salad with ham, it was making me feel sick. I went to the Asda down the road and then went to the bus station loos and did a test. I was washing my hands and I thought it will be negative and went to put it in the bin… it wasn’t negative it was positive. I went into shock and couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I went to the car and looked again it was still saying pregnant. I didn’t know what to do.. 5 years no luck. I wasn’t ready as much as I wanted it. I phoned Beth and I was a wreck. She asked me what was wrong and I stated ‘I am pregnant’. She screamed with joy but practically told me take more tests. So I got more. I took another one at work, then at home. By the time Pete came home I took 6. All positive all same amount of weeks. I waited for him to sit on the loo and I sat on the bath. I said I needed to tell him something and gave him the tests. He sat there in shock for a while (I think I chose the best place to tell him haha). I left him to process and soon was overjoyed by being a dad. But wanted me to take another one first thing the next morning. 10 tests later they all had a the same result. I did the same as you, looked at the best way to parent, cribs, clothes, you name it. I couldn’t process. I just lost my job and had to find another one. I did but was there for 6 months before I had imy. No work mat pay. Government mat and it was a killer. Forcing me to go back after 6 months to ensure I could provide for her. Pregnancy is wonderful but it comes with a whole heap of emotions.
There is no doubt in my mind. You and Nate will be the best parents and you will do you! Mummy’s and daddy’s need to stick together and if you need anything, I am here willing to listen and offer advice with my experiences in hope it puts you at ease. ❤❤
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Oh Jenny thanks so much for sharing your story! Lovely to hear, and Imy is such a treasure. Thank you for your support! We’re getting along okay, but it’s definitely a shocker to start with! I’d love to arrange a zoom chat to talk it all through! Xxx
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Thank you. Imy truly is a little gem. I am here for as long as you want that support. I would love a zoom chat with you, when you are free. Just let me know and we can arrange it 😊 xx
How exciting. Just relax and quit obsessing.