Friday 10th December 2021

What a phenomenal day we had yesterday!

On Wednesday, the midwife called to remind me about my first appointment, and that it was a phone consultation rather than face to face. During the chat, I explained that I had gone cold turkey with my medication and asked if I could have a slightly earlier scan because I would love to know if everything was okay. She said that NHS scans were always at 11-13 weeks, but that we could always go privately to have a reassurance scan.

Obviously, within seconds of hanging up, I had opened google. I found somewhere in Liverpool, called Window To The Womb, with appointments for yesterday. I got home and put the idea to Nathan. He was up for it, so we booked an appointment!

So yesterday morning we had the first long chat with the midwife. We decided which health tests to have and talked through the medical history of our families. We talked though possibilities of birthing plans (yikes!) and learned that if lockdown continues, antenatal classes happen online.

In the afternoon, we got in the car and drove to Liverpool to have the scan. I was so nervous. Like, very nervous. I don’t think Nathan quite knew what was wrong with me! We paid the remainder of the balance and went into the room. The nurse and sonographer were very nice. I thought how weird it was that Nathan was there with me because since being an adult I’ve been to every Doctors appointment on my own. I got changed and lay down and the scan began.

I had decided in advance that I would close my eyes and say the Lord’s Prayer to myself three times. If I got to the ‘Amen’ at the end of the third prayer, I would know something wasn’t right. But as it happened, I only got to ‘your will be done’ the first time round before she said, ‘there we go, look at the screen in front of you!’.

Nathan saw before I did. I heard him say ‘oh wow!’ before I looked at the screen. The picture showed up on a large TV opposite where I was lying, and on it was the smallest and yet undeniable form of a tiny person. Right in the middle of it was a flickering: the heart. ‘Look at that!’ said Nathan, and I drew breath for the first time in what felt like minutes and tears filled my eyes.

‘You’re about 7 and a half weeks, and baby is just over a centimetre long’ said the sonographer, ‘congratulations! You can get dressed, go outside and pick which picture you would like to have printed’.

I have never known relief like it. To see that little heart at work! Miraculous and mind blowing. It was undoubtedly the very best £70 we have ever spent. Once it was done, I didn’t know how I imagined I could have gone another five weeks feeling so tense! As well as this being the best ever early Christmas present, I now know I can thoroughly focus on all things Christmas.

When we got home, we summoned our parents and siblings to a zoom call at 9pm. Not ideal timing, but we had made such a fuss about having a chat that it would have been very suspicious if we had waited any longer!

I whipped up a video on Camtasia with pictures from 2020. It finished with a picture of the scan, saying ‘Baby Dino, coming for Daddy’s 28th birthday’.

They were very pleased!

My brother-in-law, who we had called first because he was going on shift that evening, said ‘yep, I knew that. I read your blog about keeping your distance from people over Christmas and knew it meant you were pregnant’ – spot on!

My sister said ‘I called it! I’m sorry, but I called it!’ Bravo for sibling with good instincts!

Other reactions involved gasps, smiles and a bit of worry because it would seem that my Christmas presents consist mostly of alcohol! It’s a good job that gin keeps.

Mum, who had been keeping her suspicions to herself for a couple of weeks, grinned and said ‘how long do I have to keep it a secret from my Mum?!’

But best of all, to me, was Nathan’s reaction to seeing that heart beating. For as long as I live, I will never, ever forget that.